Life and Death, Joy and Sorrow, Thankful for it all

November 5th is an interesting day in the life of my family. Ten years ago, my daughter had her youngest son. He is the third son, only 17 months younger than the middle son and 3 years and a bit younger than his older brother. He is a delight and a bundle of energy. He has aggressively followed his brothers from the moment he was born, determined to keep up! It’s hard to believe he is now in “double digits” celebrating his birthday.

Six years ago, my mother was entering the final days of her life. Facebook reminds me that I cooked dinner that night for my twin sister and my younger brother. My facebook memories remind of the menu: oven roasted salmon, carrots and broccoli and tossed green salad. I noted I was grateful for the staff at West Heights who helped me be present for those important moments.

In another year, there was a wedding which I attended and witnessed the love between a wonderful young couple. One had been my associate pastor and her new husband and I had been on a mission trip together. What a joyful occasion their wedding was and how happy I was there with them.

Exactly one year ago today, my mother-in-law died. My husband and I were there as she transitioned from this life to the next. She had lived 98 1/2 years and it was time. Her mind began to recede before her body. In her last months my husband provided her with lots of laughter and love. She was surrounded by that love and by our prayers and the love and prayers of others.

Joy and sorrow, life and death, love and loss always seem interwoven, on some days more than others. I honor these days and moments. November may make it easier to focus on how precious life is, as the days grow shorter, the nights longer and colder. The leaves turn colors and then release and the ground turns brown in anticipation of the winter.

The turning of the season does not mean all is lost, the change reminds me that life constantly changes and life and death are different sides of the same coin. In the Christian tradition and my faith, out of death comes resurrection and new life. The importance of remembering convinces me that my intentionality of how I live matters in the long run. I remember the deaths, but I celebrate the lives as well: birthdays and anniversaries!

Finding a way to pause for the grief, means the next moments and the next celebrations are a bit sweeter knowing I have no guarantee of how many of those moments will be granted. In the Ecclesiastes the author writes, “for everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven.”

Indeed, there is a season and a time for everything and there are moments to rejoice and to weep, to laugh and to cry, to mourn and to celebrate. On this day, I celebrate: the memory of my own mother, and my mother-in-law, my grandson’s birthday and a friends anniversary. I am thankful for it every one of those moments and memories.

Present in this moment

I have been wrestling with “seasons” recently.  Maybe because I have had so many funerals and memorial services.  Maybe because the calendar says spring and the weather has been winter too long.  Maybe because there are three more weeks of Easter and the church just finished a capital campaign.

The old cynic Qoheleth, the preacher in Ecclesiastes writes, “For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven:” (3:1)  and then lists all the things most people already know.  I already know that “there is a time to be born, and a time to die.”  I understand about planting and harvesting, about weeping and laughing, mourning and dancing.

What I struggle with is how to be present in a particular season, a particular time.  I so enjoyed the snow days in February.  We hadn’t had any snow, but then, it was as if winter had come with a vengeance.  Snow on Palm Sunday, record breaking cold snaps in April.  Where was spring?  I was ready to be on my bike, in the garden and getting out of heavy sweaters.

Sunday I used parts of Jeremiah 29.  Not terribly unusual when working on a capital campaign, but there was one verse that surprised me.  I had read it before, of course, but this time it made me pause anew.  The most popular verse of that chapter is verse 11, “For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.”  

I love that verse, and while it resonates with me, it was not what made me pause.  Jeremiah 29: 5 and 7 say this; “Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat what they produce…But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare.”

It might as well been a billboard flashing at me….or a non stop text dinging on my phone.  “Pay attention to where you are at this moment!”  “Quit looking behind or looking forward or wishing for what is not going to happen in the near future!”  You see sometimes I wonder what it would be like not to have so many demands on my time, my energy, my calendar.  I think, “one of these days I will retire and I can….”  You get the idea.

“Seek the welfare or wellbeing of where you are right now” is my paraphrase.  “Look to the needs of your neighborhood, your community of faith, your organizations, your family and in looking to those needs, you will find your own taken care of.”  I am not trying to advocate working longer or harder, but I found a challenge in paying more attention, being more intentional at focusing on this season, this time, this moment that I am living.  I need to be reminded to be “present” and to “live” in this place, in this time, in this season.  Longing for more time doesn’t create it, it only means I lose that moment to live out my life in way that reflects my faith, my values, my love.

At least today, I am paying attention to more moments, more people and more blessings.  I am not wasting energy on what might be, but instead thanking God for the “what is” of my life: my ministry at West Heights, my family, my friends, a wonderful neighborhood and so many other places to be and to enjoy.  My hope is that tomorrow I can do the same.

I am graced to Serve.

 

 

On the Autumn Equinox

 

Thoughts on this first day of Fall

 

Last year at this time I was reading an old fall issue of Midwest Living, a magazine that focuses on life in the mid-west. What struck me about this issue, was not the recipes, although I love to cook, not the trips or the festivals but the opening piece by the editor. He had asked people why they loved the fall. The responses varied, but tended toward “it’s cooler, it’s football weather, the leaves are lovely and my routine is back after the long days of summer.”

I was looking for something else. I love autumn. I, too, love the cooler weather, the leaves that change colors, the opportunity to jump in a pile of just raked leaves, the mums that burst forth as the last color before winter. I love the smell of the wood fires and the sight of bright stars on a cool crisp night.

For me, autumn is my time to reassess my life. I know for our dominant culture we make “resolutions” on January 1. I, however, look over my goals, check out my calender and try to prioritize what is truly important in the fall. 

Autumn drives me in a way no other season does. I feel compelled to check my pantry, to can up produce and freeze produce for the winter. I feel pushed by time as the days grow shorter and colder. 

Without being maudlin, autumn reminds me that I will not live forever. My days on earth have a beginning and have an end. I am not promised forever, only the moments I am given. As the days wane, I am deeply aware that my life also wanes. In the springtime all is new and exciting and wonderful and young. I look for the tulips and the daffodils and iris to spring forth in all their glory. In the fields I can see the young calves and the lambs and the colts. I can hear the “cheep cheep” of the young birds in the nest. 

Summertime is for long sun-filled days, full of energy. When the crops begin to grow green and tall and begin to produce the sought after harvest. Summer is a gathering in of family and friends and an enjoyment of time that seems to stand still.

Then suddenly, the days grow shorter, a cool breeze creeps in from the north. soon leaves begin to turn color until they are a riot of orange and coral and amber and red. The wind grows stronger and they begin to fall until the branches of the trees are barren and the grass has turned brown and the nights are much longer than the days.

Autumn is our seasonal reminder to “pay attention” if you will to the life we have been given. To say “I love you” to the people that matter the most. To, in the words of the Psalmist “to count our days that we may gain a wise heart.” There will come a time when I enter the winter of my life, when like the autumn leaves, I will have spent all that have and will lie down to rise no more.

I want to honor the days of my life that I am given. I want to love well, to truly let those people I love know how much I have loved them and appreciated their love. I want to use my gifts and abilities in a way that leaves this world a better place. And at the last, I want to say a prayer of thanks to God for the times and the seasons I have been given.

I am

Graced to Serve.